Phil Varone is one of those few gentlemen that still remain as a class of their own. Oblivion took the others. There you have a man who lived it all in the Hard-Rock scene in the ’80s and ’90s and keeps in an acceptable shape. And, as a proud member of that rat-pack of firecrackers with colossal egos, he will not tolerate anyone to teach him courtesy lessons. He still has many talents for the world to see, and with all modesty is commited to appearing in self-produced documentaries about himself and how to snort a ton of coke, writing books about the clean, exquisite relationships between a rocker on the road and his groupies, or putting on sale a dildo modeled after his own penis. You guessed it: a 21st Century Leonardo da Vinci…
Our hero is now displeased with his former band Skid Row, even as they were the only well known band which offered him the drummer’s position. It turns out that guitarist Dave “Snake” Sabo was interviewed on the latest edition of “The classic Metal Show” and was asked about the 2007 documentary Wake up dead. It seems that Dave gave the wrong answer. Wake up dead is a documentary about Phil Varone’s stylish life on the road during his years with Skid Row, when he spent his time basically snorting women and fucking cocaine (or is it the other way round?)
For some unknown reason, Dave “Snake” Sabo wanted to convince us that he has never hurt a fly, so he made the following comment:
“I thought it was gross, man, to be quite honest with you,” Sabo said. “See, that’s just a lifestyle I never cared for or partook in. I never did drugs. The worst thing I ever did was drink too much vodka and puke, and that’s basically the extent of my shit. So to live that and to see that, I thought it was pretty gross and disgusting, to be honest with you. I don’t have any empathy for that situation at all, because you have choices. You make choices in life, and that was the choice that he made. And I don’t wanna be a part of that or a party to it. So, I guess the only thing I can say is that I thought it was pretty gross.”
That was a few days ago, but in an interview from 2006 with MetalShrine magazine, Skid Row’s bassist Rachel Bolan dared to comment that
“I haven’t [seen it] and I don’t support it at all… That’s [Phil’s] world. I don’t do drugs and the guys in the band don’t do drugs. I don’t endorse it. That’s his world and he wanted to put our image in it and being the fact that the guy was only in the band for two years…. The fact that he thinks he has the right to go out and use the Skid Row name is preposterous. Yeah, that’s his world, not ours.“
In fact, things went serious in 2010. As part of his plan to conquer the world, the great Phil Varone filled a lawsuit against Sabo and Bolan for destroying his reputation. He was also willing to make History even in the legal world, since his lawsuit’s text started with an innovative legal idea, an irrefutable proof: “Plaintiff Varone is, first and foremost, a rock star. One can see that just by looking at him. He has the black hair, extensive tattoos and good looks of the world’s most popular rock and rollers.” After such allegation, I wonder why the judge didn’t condemn all members of Skid Row to the electric chair immediately for attempting to prevent good ol’ Phil from using the band’s name to promote himself.
Well, this is getting too complicated, so let’s cut to the chase. The news is, of course, the reaction from an offended Phil Varone to Dave “Snake” Sabo’s comments. You will love it:
Dear Dave “Snake” Sabo, (snake meaning a two faced cunt and not the size of his tiny dick)
I’m normally not one to acknowledge clueless, jealous dummies, but in this case it’s just too good to pass up and I’m sick and tired of these douche bags running their mouths. I always find it funny when the pot calls the kettle black and judging from the piece of shit records this sad cover band put out after I left, they are still clueless and still very much jealous. The good part about the recent Skid Row records, is you can buy 4 of them and have a set of drink coasters. If you were to buy 4 of them, that should bring the sound scan up to about 11 sold and catapult it to plywood with an anchor. Hey David nothing like commenting on a documentary that came out 7 years ago that not only you and the band are in, but you also signed releases and were paid for songs. But I guess 7 years later it’s gross. It wasn’t gross when Skid Row begged me to come out and finish a tour after I left the band because your drummer sucked. And I guess It wasn’t gross listening to how bad the band sounded when you could barley stand on stage and play 90% of the time? You know, like the time we played a bowling alley and you were at the bar at noon? You probably don’t remember you(see what I did there?) Oh my bad, I forgot you don’t do drugs or drink. I remember many gross things being in that band, but nothing more gross then galaxy of pimples on your disgusting back. But I have a solution to all of this, instead of being the fucking coward you are, why don’t you come by my place and we can settle this once and for all. No press, no cameras, just me and you. And while you’re at, tell Napoleon to put his bass down , put him in a baby seat and bring him along. That unoriginal 5′ 8″ walking cliche bass owner needs to be taught a lesson on how not to run his mouth. Now I understand why Tommy Lee sent him an email that said ” I don’t have enough middle fingers for you” . Make sure he puts his 6″ platforms on, or he will never reach 5″ 8″.
In closing, you really should be proud. Nothing like a bunch of 50 years old washed up rock stars in a Skid Row cover band playing for 6 people a night. Oh and by the way Snake , if you’re nice and a good boy, maybe I’ll loan you some money some day, since we all know how good you are with accounting. I would put you in the adult business, but dicks the size of thimbles are not really in. Just saying.
Former Skid Row Drummer, Phil Varone
This post is also available in Versión en Español.